two steps back

Sometime between my last post and now, I developed some knee and ankle pain. I don't exactly know what's going on, but I'm not happy about it.

Running outside in the winter is hard on the joints, no doubt. I'd usually spend more time running on the grass next to the sidewalk when possible, but the frozen ground is just as tough on the joints as cement this time of year. Perhaps worse, it seems, as the ground is uneven and ankle rolls are more likely.

Except for the anticipated soreness, my joints were fine for the first couple weeks. Then the pain slowly crept on, mostly in my left knee and right ankle. It hurt the most going down hill. The pain never got excruciating, but it was enough to slow me way down (too stubborn to ever stop and walk). It's kind of hard to describe, but it wasn't always the pain that slowed me down, but often my lack of stability, like my bones were all out of alignment. In the hours following runs, I could barely climb stairs, or bend my knee to get in my car. Walking became quite a chore.

In the last week, I've spent a bit more time stretching after runs, and I've been icing my joints. Ibuprofen is magical - although I've been trying to run without it so I can actually tell if I'm hurting myself or getting better. It has improved a bit, but I still don't feel 100%. The feeling that you could go faster, if only it weren't for joint pain, is really frustrating.

So, as it was clear it wasn't going to go away on its own, I made an appointment with my doctor. My doctor referred me to a physical therapist. I had my first meeting with the PA on Tuesday. She observed how I walked, testing my flexibility and strength. I learned that one of my feet slightly turns out (although not enough to require orthotics), my hips are tight, and my knee is creaking. She recommended some stretches and strength building exercises. She didn't tell me that I needed to stop running (*phew*), but did suggest that I cut back a bit. I don't know, you guys... it sucks to hear this. I'm scheduled to see the PA every week through February.

Today was a rest day, and I did some hip-opening yoga. It felt amazing. I'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow and decide whether or not to do the full 4-mile run. I'm not intentionally trying to rebel or hurt myself, but I stubbornly believe I know my own body. I'll take it day by day.

So frustrating. I just want to go back to improving my times.

like a gazelle

Second run of the third week of base training, and I finally feel like I'm in shape again. I felt that coveted "runner's high" for the first time in a while, as I kept my head up and focused throughout the 4 miles. None of those, "uggh this is awful when is going to stop" thoughts that have been running through my head for the last two weeks. I'm sure those thoughts will be back, though. It was nice to be reminded that running is actually enjoyable!

Before the run, I really wasn't feeling it. I've been running 5 days a week, taking off Tuesday and Friday (always subject to change depending on the weather). The last two days, Saturday and Sunday, were rough. It was absurdly cold. The high on Sunday was 6 ºF, with a low of -8. This morning, when I woke up and checked the temperature, wunderground reported -5. Ack!

Also worth noting is my yesterday was filled with a debilitating migraine. All I could do, for hours, was lie down with a blanket over my eyes. While I'm certainly no doctor and may spend too much time self-diagnosing, I think dehydration may have triggered my first migraine in years. Saturday night, I went out and had a few drinks - first time since NYE, actually. I did not properly rehydrate before passing out (not that I drank all that much). The next day, I don't recall drinking much water, nor consuming more than a sip before jumping in the shower post-run. Before I knew it, scintillating scotoma took over my vision, so I downed a bunch of water and took some excederin, but it was too late. My afternoon was ruined.

So, fully recovered today, I wanted to stay that way and was in no mood to run. But I did anyway, of course. I remember an interview with a competitive marathon runner that I read a while back, where the interviewer asked the runner at the starting line how he was feeling. His response was simple: it doesn't matter. It might come off as cold and callous, but I find it somehow calming and zen-like. It's true. It doesn't matter how I'm feeling before a run, not emotionally anyway. Obviously physical problems are a different story, but when I'm running, but those silly thoughts and emotions are a different story. I'm going to run anyway. I might be cranky, scared, tired, enthusiastic, optimistic - it's irrelevant. Just run.

I wish I could find the interview. I think it was in Runner's World like 2 years ago.

Today, I just ran. I lost myself in the moment, and it felt great. The temperature increased to a balmy 15 ºF, and I did feel the difference. I felt like I could use that energy normally devoted to shivering to, you know, running. I can tell that running in this frigid air is going to pay off come spring time.

And, I had my best time yet for the 4-mile run: 37:30. Still, at 9:20/mile, I'm not quite at my 8:00/mile goal, but I'm getting there, slowly but surely.

we have been through worse than this, and we will live to laugh 'bout this

When I woke up this morning, I realized I didn't have my usual breakfast available, so I improvised with what I had and came up with banana pancakes and maple syrup. It was delicious, but I should know better than to switch up my routine before a run.

After breakfast, I headed to the grocery store, and the snow really started to come down. Concerned that it might get out of control, as it is January and Vermont is ripe for a snowstorm, the decision was made to start running as soon as possible.

So, about 2 hours after my filling breakfast, dressed and ready to head out the door, my stomach began to groan and grumble. This was not a good sign. I told LTB to start without me, as I was afraid of traveling too far from my bathroom. Alone in the apartment, I paced back and forth, in a bit of a panic. I felt like I really needed to get the run done before there was more than a couple inches of snow, but I am seriously afraid of having an emergency situation in the middle of a run. The fear makes my stomach feel worse, of course. It's a vicious cycle.

After hyperventilating for a few minutes, I sucked it up and made my way out the door and into the snow. Within a minute into the run, I forgot there was ever a problem.

The snow really wasn't too bad. The sidewalk was completely covered with about a inch of powder, but it wasn't too slick. It was kind of like running on sand - easier on the joints, but it also felt like it slowed me down and took more energy. All the better for training.

I got my new headphones today! These ear buds, to be exact. They're fantastic. So comfortable, great sound, and (sort of) noise canceling so I can keep the levels at a reasonable volume (does that make me sound old? whatever, ask me about my experience with tinnitus). AND, they stay in place, in my ear the whole run. This is huge. Not a lot of earphones do that for me and my tiny ears.

Oh, running with music is so much better. So much more fun and motivating. Currently, this is my favorite energy-boosting tune that I can rely on to move my feet to a sprint for the last half mile or so: Me Vs. Angry Mob, by The World/Inferno Friendship Society. I feel like I'm right there with Jack Terricloth, being chased down the street by an angry mob, hopping fences and running through restaurants. And, oh, that horn line! Puts a goofy smile on my face, every time.

Get home safely

I will, I do, I always do

My time today was 40 minutes - stuck at that 10 minute/mile pace. Oh, it's a bit frustrating. I know I can't expect that I'll jump right back into 8 minute miles after being so lazy for the last year. But, I think back to the week before the 2010 marathon, when we were in the tapering phase and the 4-mile run felt like the Easiest Thing Ever, and my time was far closer to 30 minutes than 40 minutes. I'm only on week 2. Only week 2. I have to keep that in mind. No point in feeling bad about it, but at the same time, it is motivating to know that I'm Capable of much better.

The Paranoid Runner

For run #3 this week, I forewent the waterfront run for a path that starts and ends at my apartment. It was nice to not have to drive before/after the run, and the sidewalks are a bit better maintained than the bike path. However, I'm not a huge fan of running next to cars and breathing in exhaust fumes. Fortunately, there are not a lot of intersections or traffic lights on this route, so I didn't have to do that awkward-jogging-in-place-waiting-for-the-walk-sign thing. I hate that.

I'm not going to share my exact running routes on this public blog, for obvious safety reasons. I'm happy to share this with my real life friends, though. Just ask me. On this blog, I also might throw in some mild inaccuracies about where I'm running/live in order to throw off potential stalkers. Am I really that paranoid? I guess so. We live in a strange world. I don't know who's reading this, and I want to keep it public.

Speaking of safety, I was thinking today about other ways I try to keep myself safe on my runs. Running can be dangerous business -- out there on your own, carless, miles away from your home, among cars and strangers and ice. There's a few things I've learned from experience - don't blare my iPod so loud I can't hear anything, stay to the right side of the path (especially when turning corners), run during the day time in populated areas, etc.

One of the scariest things - because I've heard countless recounts of this very thing happening to other runners and causing varying degrees of injuries - is running in front of a car that is making a right turn when the runner is approaching from the right. This most frequently happens at 4-way stop signs and at the end of driveways. I think I do the same thing when I'm driving - if you're taking a right, you look to the left. If it's clear, you go. No need to look to the right. So, if I'm approaching a car in this situation, I'll try to make eye contact with the driver. If they don't look at me, I don't go. If I'm not sure if they're about to drive or not, or if I'm feeling particularly impatient, I'll tap on the passenger-side window or on the hood to get their attention. It's easier when it's warmer and their windows are open, and I can just be like, "hi! I exist! don't hit me!" I try to not be annoying, but it's nice to not get hit by a car.

I realized that I haven't mentioned at this point that I am training with my fiance, LTB. "With" used loosely - he runs a bit faster than me. We start out together, maybe the first 1/2 mile, and then he takes off and I fall behind. Sometimes when I tell people that we don't run together, I get a sad face, or LTB gets a judgmental look, like he should slow down and wait for me.

People, come on. We're training for a marathon. Don't give me that.

I think when we started training for the 2010 marathon (my first marathon), I was more bitter about it, like I would enjoy running more and be more motivated if I had someone to run with and chat with the whole time. Eventually I realized that it's far more important for each of us to run at our own pace and work on our times individually. For me at least, long distance running is quite an individualized, private venture.

Also, after running a couple races with others who do run the same pace as me, I realized running with others can often be annoying and not helpful. Sometimes I don't want to talk. Sometimes I want the time think through stuff, or not think at all and get lost in the moment (hence, the pensive runner). Sometimes running puts me in a foul mood and I'm in no mood for small talk.

I take that back. I never enjoy small talk. Even when I'm in a good mood and at a complete rest.

Anyway, having LTB around, even if he's a mile ahead of me, is another safety measure. We tend to run the same path to and from a location, starting and ending our run in the same place. This means that he'll pass me on his way back, and see that I'm still in one piece. I've also asked that if he returns home (or wherever the run began) and he doesn't see me within 15 minutes (or whatever amount of time seems appropriate given the length of the run), to go back and look for me to make sure I'm ok. Of course I didn't really need to ask him to do this, he would anyway - I just like to hear things like this said out loud for my own comfort.

I haven't timed my last two runs. I didn't have my iGadget with me, because my headphones haven't arrived yet. Running without music isn't necessarily a bad thing, I've learned. I think I pay attention to my body more. But running with music is more fun. I hope my new ear buds get here tomorrow.

Running on an Ice Rink, Hyperbolically Speaking

Well, friends, today the path was not slushy. It was icy as hell. I quickly discovered that every area of the bike path that appeared to be wet was, in fact, black ice, and for portions of the path, 99% of the area looked wet.

So, the run turned into bit of an obstacle course - hopping over patches of ice, constantly switching sides of the path, avoiding pedestrians/dogs/bikes/trains, running on grass whenever possible (icy grass has a bit more traction than icy cement, but it's still slick) - it was actually kind of fun. This is another reason why I prefer running outside in the freezing weather over treadmill running: the adventure and unpredictability. Running can be monotonous. Treadmills magnify that quality.

I never know what exactly is going to happen during those 4 miles. Despite the lack of winter upkeep, I love running on the bike path in Burlington. The views are gorgeous, and there are always other people around in case I need emergency care, and there are mile markers on the path (although sometimes covered by snow). There is unfortunately a freight train the crosses the path. I think it's a freight train. Whatever it is, it occasionally parks itself right on the bike path for an indefinite amount of time. This happened last week, at about my third mile. I paced back and forth along the length of the train, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get around it. It seemed to go on forever. Another runner headed towards me with the same exasperated look on his face, and I asked him if there was a way around the train. Just then, one of the train employees approached us, and asked us two questions: 1) are you going to fall? 2) do you promise to never do this again? Satisfied with our answers, he let us climb a tiny ladder over one of the cars, climbing backwards down the other side before dropping back down to the bike path. As frustrating as it was in the moment to waste so much time at that one spot, it was also pretty exciting and fun.

Anyway, back to winter running. At some point, I did have a pair of ice cleats that I received as a gift or from a conference or a race or something. I can't even remember; it was a couple years ago. I never actually got around to using them. And, now I can't find them. They have to be in this apartment somewhere. My place isn't very big, and I'm not a terribly disorganized person. I'm too stubborn to pay money for something I already own. I'll keep looking. I have to think they'd help with the ice, or at least give me some more confidence.

Still, at 25 degrees with flurries far more pretty than irritating, winter so far has been quite mild up here in Vermont. The forecast for the upcoming week shows temperatures in the 30s. To me, that means another week of outdoor running. I think it's going to take negative temperatures, or more than 6" of snow, to get me back on a treadmill.

My time today for the 4-mile run was 39:50, 1:10 faster than yesterday. I really felt like I had it in me to go a bit faster. I was ready to practically sprint the final mile, but got slowed down by ice - as in, nearly falling, and having to stop completely to regain my balance. However, I never felt like I was in real danger of hurting myself. Just hurting my time.

another run, another lesson

Today was the fifth run of the week, closing the first week of base training. I cut my 4-mile time down from 45 minutes to 41 minutes (from 11:15/mile to 10:15/mile). If I can cut 4 minutes off every week, I'll be in a good place to start the real marathon training.

At the end of the run today, I felt like I could have run a few more miles, which tells me that I should have been running faster. I know one thing that slowed me down today was that the bike path appeared to be a bit slick. It snowed a couple inches on Thursday, and then rained today, so there were blotches of white all over. With the temperature hovering barely above freezing, I couldn't tell if it was ice or slush. Turns out it was mostly slush.

After my run, I began to wonder why exactly I slow down so much when I think it might be slippery. Will I really be less likely to fall, or sustain injury, if I'm running slower? I'm not sure if that's true. Running is going to be more dangerous than walking, no matter the speed. I should have more faith in my balance.

Today was also the first time this year I listened to music during my run. As a musician, this may come as a surprise. Really, it's just because I don't have good running headphones. The ear buds that came with my iPhone constantly fall out of my tiny ears. I ordered these headphones, based on good reviews from other small-eared folks, but I'm still awaiting delivery. During today's run, I pulled a hat on over the iPhone buds. It sort of worked, but I spent a lot of time pushing the music back into my ears.

Another lesson re-learned: I really need to make playlists before the run. Putting my entire song catalogue on shuffle, not liking a song mid-run, then removing a glove, pulling the iPhone out of my pocket, unlocking it, getting to the iPod app, and hitting skip until something good comes up = super awkward and time-killing.

Not that I'm trying to make excuses for my time. This is all part of the process, just like building the muscles, improving oxygen intake, etc. All these little details are part of training, it seems.

Next week (which starts tomorrow), I would like to focus more on increasing my speed. This week mostly felt like I was just trying to survive the run. During the last two runs, I haven't felt fatigue or any muscle aches, it's mainly my gasping for air that is keeping me from accelerating. Maybe next time I'll see how my heart rate is doing. I feel like I have a hard time telling when I starting too fast, or if it's the normal mild, yet constant, discomfort that comes with running, that I just have to get used to.

Perhaps most importantly, this run was the first this week where I did not experience any stomach issues - no cramps, no nausea, nothing. This is important and I need to make note of this. I had breakfast around 10:30am. I had 1 cup of black coffee, and kashi golden goodness cereal with almond milk and blueberries. In between 11 and 1, I drank a pint glass of water. The run started a little after 1, maybe 1:15. I noticed that I was slightly hungry when we started, which initially concerned me, like it might make me light headed, but that turned out to be a good thing. I think that's what I should aim for from now on - slightly hungry.

Week 1 of Training: Building the Base

Welcome to The Pensive Runner, a blog where I will write about all my trials and tribulations in training for the Burlington City Marathon, my second try at a marathon. I started this blog for a few reasons: I enjoy writing, I would like to keep record of what does and doesn't work, to help out other runners, and also so I have something to think about while I'm running. During my four-mile run today, I essentially wrote out this entire blog in my head. It made the time fly.

My first marathon was in 2010, also in Burlington. My time was 4:19 (9:50/mile). That's me in the yellow, #2069.*

For this year's marathon, I'm really hoping to break the 4 hour mark (aiming for 9-minute miles). I'm optimistic. During the 2010 marathon, I was at that pace until about mile 18, when I hit the wall. I stopped and walked. This is the second half of my goal for the 2012 marathon: run the entire time.

I have a few plans on how to reach my goals this year. Although I hardly ran at all during 2011, I do not feel as though I am starting from scratch. I learned a lot in 2010 that I will apply this year.

One of the biggest issues in 2010 was that I never completed a 20-mile run during training. I stopped and walked every time, and it was always for the same reason: severe stomach issues. This is something I will have to work on a lot more this year, and it likely will come up a lot in this blog.

Another big change this year is that I'm hoping to do as much training as possible outside. In 2010, there was a *ton* of treadmill running. It just isn't the same thing. The race it outside, you should train outside.

As a resident of Vermont, running outside is easier said than done. During this first week of training, I have run in 7-degree weather, and on 2 inches of snow. Dressing appropriately has made a huge difference, and something that I could not have done without shopping at Good Will. Some may feel weird about buying used workout gear, but seriously folks, I purchased what would retail for around $200 for about $20. Winter running tights, high-tech polyester shirts, gore-tex-like jackets, etc. This is a helpful link for figuring out what to wear based on the temperature. It's all personal preference, of course, but a good starting point for someone who is as new to winter running as I am.

So, I'll run outside when possible. There's a gym nearby that is pay-as-you-go (something like $8 a visit), so that's always an option when the snow gets ridiculous. Because that will happen, no doubt.

This first week is a base-building week. This means that, before you can start training for a marathon, you should be able to comfortably run 20 miles a week. That's what I learned from The Competitive Runner's Handbook, anyway. So, the month of January is devoted to just that: running 20 miles a week, or 4 miles a day 5 days a week (might change that to 5 miles a day 4 days a week towards the end of the month). Actual training will not begin until February. I'll get more into the training plan I'll be using in future posts.

This week has been tough. Like I mentioned, I have not run much at all in the past year. The first run (Sunday, New Year's Day) was brutal, although I did manage to run the entire time. I was very, very sore. Still am sore, mostly in the calves. It's kind of enjoyable in a way, like I feel like I've accomplished something. I suppose all marathon runners are a bit masochistic, eh? One more run this week, and then it's onto base week #2. My goal is that by the end of the month to be able to do a 4-mile run in under 32 minutes (8min/mile). My first run was about 45 minutes. I know I can do much better than that.

Before I end this first post, I just want to add that I am in no way a professional athlete (if that wasn't obvious!), and I am not in any position to be giving advice on training. All I can do is observe what works for me. I viewed myself as a very non-athletic person for a long time, mostly because I dislike team sports. Although I certainly do not have a "runner's body" (I think I'm about 15 pounds over the "ideal" marathon runner weight, and I'm totally fine with that), long-distance running is a good fit for my lifestyle and personality, and I'm glad it found it's way into my life.

*I would like to note that the green bibs indicate relay racers, i.e., people who only run a portion of the marathon. One of my frustrations with the Burlington marathon is running side-by-side with the relay racers. It can be a bit discouraging to be hitting the wall on your 20th mile and seeing people fly by you because they just jumped into the race.